Does Making Divorce Easier Protect Marriage?

I recently had a conversation with a Collaborative Divorce attorney in Rome, Italy (the internet is an amazing thing).  He told me that in Italy, a couple has to wait 5 years before a court will grant a divorce. 

I was stunned, as even the longest “cooling off” periods in the United States are not that long. 

He indicated that this lengthy waiting period might be having an interesting effect on marriage rates in Italy.  He felt strongly that the lengthy waiting period was actually driving the marriage rate down.  He observed that young people in Italy were more reluctant to get married because it was so hard to get out of the marriage if it went poorly.  He even indicated that this was a factor in a falling birth rate in Italy (apparently Italians are less inclined towards single parenthood than Americans).

In the Southern United States, and North Carolina particularly, laws are designed to protect and promote marriage.  North Carolina requires a one-year separation period before either party can even ask a court for a divorce.  Ostensibly, this is to prevent people from making hasty decisions about divorce.  The thinking is this: “If we make it hard to get divorced, then less people will get divorced.”

The Italian situation presents an interesting question though:  At what point do the lawmakers’ efforts to protect marriage actually start backfiring?  Is it possible that people in this country or this state are less inclined to marry because divorce is so hard?  Is it possible that our divorce laws are actually driving down the marriage rate, instead of driving down the divorce rate? 

I am not aware of any scientific research on this topic.  But, it presents an interesting policy debate.  Perhaps marriage as an institution is best served by making divorce easier, instead of harder.

Online Legal Divorce Forms and Separation Agreements - Privacy Problems

Last week, I wrote about the need to consult an attorney prior to using an online separation agreement or divorce forms.  This week, I’ll discuss another problem with these forms: Privacy.

I have seen many clients that use these forms without an attorney.  Most of these clients record their separation agreement, child custody (co-parenting) agreement or property settlement agreement with the Register of Deeds.  They do this because something in the online form, the form's instructions or something else on the internet told them that this recordation was necessary.

Unfortunately, once a separation agreement is recorded with the Register of Deeds, it becomes public record.  That means that anybody with a computer can easily look up, read and print your separation agreement if it is recorded with the Register of Deeds.  Anybody.  For any reason.  Friends, family, foes, members of your church, co-workers, etc…And I can tell you that people love to know the intimate details. Do you really want to give them access to that kind of personal information? 

There are some parts of a separation agreement and property settlement agreement that may need to be recorded with the Register of Deeds.  But, a good family law attorney can help you avoid making your entire agreement public knowledge.

I routinely advise clients to avoid this kind of public disclosure of their private lives.  After all, if you wanted the details of your separation to be public knowledge, then you could just go to court.  But, in North Carolina, there are ways to avoid making the terms of your separation public record. 

However, you would not know that unless you consulted a North Carolina family lawyer.

Online separation agreements and divorce forms can be useful.  But, there are risks in using these documents, and the loss of privacy is one of them.

Consulting a North Carolina family law attorney before using these online forms can save your privacy.



Legal Separation In North Carolina

Clients frequently ask me whether they can be legally separated if they are still living in the same house.  They ask whether it is sufficient to sleep in separate bedrooms, live in different parts of the house, or arrange a schedule where they are never home at the same time.  There are countless scenarios in which a couple is emotionally separate, but not legally separated.

This idea of an "in-house separation" makes sense in tough economic times.  Many couples cannot afford two leases or mortgages.  But, they don't want to wait forever to be eligible for divorce. 

The problem is that in North Carolina, in almost all cases, the parties have to be physically separated for 12 continuous months before they can even ask for a divorce.  (There are some rare exceptions to this rule, but they are beyond the scope of this post).

In North Carolina, legal separation means living in separate dwellings.  No matter how "separate" your lives, you have to live in separate dwellings to actually start the 12 month separation period in North Carolina.

Other states, notably Virginia, may allow in-house separations.  But, North Carolina does not. 

Each case is different, and everyone should consult an attorney about their specific case and situation before making decisions.  But, at least to date, North Carolina does not recognize in-house separation.